Tuesday, January 28, 2025

Big Dirk and the Tiny Blonde: Part 5

Wrapping Up the Case.

By kittybeaver, in 5 parts. Listen to the  Podcast at Explicit Novels.


 

Tina was gone, if she had ever existed in the first place. Now there was only the Tinatron, just one of the many moving parts in the Harmony machine. The parts worked together in perfect balance, creating harmony for the world. There was no machine more important than the Harmony machine. When it failed to work, the world descended into chaos. It was an enormous machine, for an enormous job. The Tinatron was only a small part, but her task was vital.

Connected to the rest of the Harmony machine via a piston, the Tinatron's job was to produce the actual harmony. The piston pumped in and out of her receiving pipe, making a high pitched whistle as it moved. Inside the Tinatron, little explosions powered her gears, turning them round and round.

"Wheeeeeee." The piston pumped into her.

"Oog chuh, oog chuh." The gears spun inside her. The harmony grew, building on itself, expanding. Only when it was ready, would the Tinatron release it to the world.

"Wheeeeeee."

"Oog chuh, oog chuh."

The harmony vibrated, pulsing with each thrust from the piston.

"Oo gchuh, oog chuh."

"Wheeeeee."

The dials on the Tinatron spun. Lights flashed. The piston picked up speed.

"Wheeeee. Wheeeee. Wheeeee."

"Oog chuh, oog chuh, oog chuh, oog chuh."

The explosions were getting bigger, coming faster. The gears strained to keep up.

When the big one hit, it shook the Tinatron, rattling the gears inside her. She felt the harmony rapidly expand, filling her support beams, before condensing. She opened her mouth and coughed it out, a small triangle the size and color of candy corn.

Tina watched as the candy corn disappeared in front of her eyes, to be replaced by the dirty, yellow bed spread.

Behind her, Dirk fell sideways, his head landing with a thud on a pillow.

He looked awful, his skin pale, his hair damp with sweat. His chest heaved up and down as he tried to catch his breath. Tina didn't feel much better. The poison wasn't only affecting their minds, it was taking a toll on their bodies as well.

"Almost there," Fact-Tel said. "Stay strong. This will be over soon."

"One way or another," Dirk murmured.

Tina crawled over to him and carefully lay down, stretching her body out next to his. Her joints ached from the effort. But that didn't stop her from scooching closer to Dirk when he reached for her and laying her head on his shoulders.

"Don't fall asleep," Fact-Tel said. "Stay awake. Please."

She tilted her head up so she could look Dirk in the eyes, his pale green eyes. She loved those eyes. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" He brushed an errant strand of hair off of her face.

"You wouldn't be in this situation," she said, "if I hadn't recruited you for the SWSO."

"What else was I going to do?" he said, his voice slow from exhaustion. "My career as a male model had hit a wall, my mother was conducting illegal experiments on me and I'm pretty sure my father was going to force me into an arranged marriage. This is better."

She touched his check with the tip of her finger; she wasn't sure why. "Still, "

"Shush." He smiled at her. Even sick and dying, his smile was so brilliant it could light up her heart. "This is better."

Tina wasn't sure if she was the one to initiate the kiss or if Dirk had. It didn't really matter. They both wanted it. They both needed it. In what looked to be the last moments of their lives, the last moments of their sanity, they comforted each other.

This, she thought, as her tongue gently brushed his, this is the moment I'll take to my grave. This is all I want to remember.

She rolled onto her back and he followed her lead, moving with her and nestling himself between her thighs. Reaching down between them, she stroked him and guided him in.

The moment they became one, everything made sense. The way he moved inside her, how he looked down at her with his pale green eyes. Dirk was everything to her. He was all she needed in her life.

"I love you," she said. If she was going to die, Tina wanted these to be her last words. "I love you, Dirk."

He smiled down at her. "And I love cunt heaven."

"Oh." She turned her head to look at all the winged vaginas flying past. "Is that where we are?" One flew particularly close, hovering over the bedspread. "What are you up to, little lady?" Tina asked.

It responded by jabbing her in the neck with a hypodermic needle.

Tina wrapped her hands around her mug and let the heat from the coffee warm her fingers. Her head still ached with an antidote hangover but that hadn't stopped her from getting to work on time, unlike Dirk.

It wasn't that she was mad at him for being late, just worried. His accreditation exam was in an hour. Was he going to make it in time? Had he been able to study the rest of the regulations handbook? Did he know about rule 96 yet?

Part of her, the selfish part, hoped he hadn't been able to get through the manual. It meant he'd fail the exam, but he could always take it again next year. They'd have that time together. Dirk would learn to be a better secret agent and Tina could introduce him slowly to Rule 96, explaining why it was necessary. He might not like it at first, but he'd come around eventually.

At least that's what she hoped, but her hopes were dashed ten minutes later when Dirk walked into SWSO headquarters and said, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Tina took a sip of her coffee and pretended she didn't know what he was talking about. "Tell you what?" She was such a coward.

"One of the rules. I can't do it. I can't follow it." He walked to her desk and dropped the manual down in front of her.

"Which one?" She could feel her heart sinking in her chest as she watched Dirk open the book and flip the pages to the back.

"This one." He pointed to a paragraph.

Tina sighed with relief. Dirk didn't have a problem with Rule 96. He was pointing to Rule 94. Everything was going to be alright.

"Unless given special exemption, agents are required," she read, "to put on clean underwear every morning." She looked up at him. "At your age this should not be an issue."

"Wrong page. Sorry." He turned the page and pointed straight at Rule 96. "We're not allowed to feel love?"

She swallowed and gripped her mug tightly between her hands. "That's not true," she said. "We're allowed to feel love: love of country, love of duty and love of sacrifice."

"And you're ok with that?" His eyes searched hers, as if he was trying to find the answer he wanted in her gaze. "You don't need more?"

Tina took a deep breath. Yes, she'd been struggling with her feelings for Dirk the past few weeks, but she had a duty to the SWSO and to the world. She wouldn't let them down. She wouldn't give in to her weakness.

"It's dangerous to feel more," she explained. "If an enemy discovers you care more for one individual than everyone else is the whole world, they can use that against you."

"So, that's it?" he asked. "What you said yesterday was a lie?"

Tina felt the hairs stand up on the back of her neck. The memories of being under the influence of the neural toxin were vague and confusing. Except for one moment. When she closed her eyes, she could see it clearly. Dirk looking down at her while she spilled the secrets of her heart to him.

"You were hallucinating yesterday," she said. "I'm not sure I know what you're talking about."

"Oh." He looked away from her. "Ok."

"So we're good?"

"I guess."

"Good." She smiled at him. "The exam starts in half an hour. Are you ready?"

"No." Dirk took the gun out from where he'd tucked it into the waistband of his jeans and laid it on her desk. Next he removed the communicator from behind his ear. "I'm not cut out to be a secret agent. I think what you do, what the SWSO does, is important, but it's not right for me."

"Don't jump to anything rash." She stood up and reached for his hand, but he evaded her touch. "Take some time to think about it."

"No." He rubbed the back of his hand over his mouth. "This is better, a clean break. I'm sorry."

There was nothing to say after that. He turned and walked out of the office.

"Go after him," Fact-Tel said. Its mechanical voice was tinged with urgency. "Get him back."

Tina laughed a sad, lonely laugh. "I thought you'd be happy to see him go."

"Normally, yeah, except news just came over the police radio," the A.I. informed her. "Delia Villa-Allen escaped from prison."

"Oh no." Tina rushed for the door. "Dirk's in danger."

He was gone by the time she made it to the sidewalk. A stiff gust of wind was enough to tell her he'd used his inhuman speed to get away from her as fast as he could.

Without thinking, she started to jog after him. She knew his address. If she needed to, she'd go to his apartment.

Delia Villa-Allen hadn't been happy her son helped put her in prison. And she probably knew more than anyone else about Dirk's mysterious super powers. She might even know how to incapacitate him.

Tina's blood ran cold at the thought. She picked up her speed and turned down an alley for a short cut.

What would win out, a mother's love or a maniacal scientist's thirst for revenge?

She had to find Dirk and get him back to SWSO headquarters where he'd be safe.

"Agent Blondell?" a voice called behind her.

Tina stopped and reached for her gun, but it wasn't there.

She'd been so focused on catching up with Dirk, she'd left her gun in her desk drawer. She cursed under her breath, furious at herself for making such a rookie mistake. It didn't matter. She was well trained in several forms of martial arts. Tina could defend herself.

"Who's asking?" She spun around to see a nondescript form.

"Allow me to introduce myself," the person said. "I'm General Zero."

The End.

Dirk took a step back, wiped the sweat from his forehead and studied the engine again. He'd been working on the car all day, trying to fix the problem with the doohickey that fed into the whatchamacallit. It was clogged or cracked or maybe even clogracked. Whatever the problem was, he wasn't going to give up. He'd fix that damn car if it took the rest of his life.

"Dirk?" a tentative yet seductive voice called.

He looked up to see Tina Blondell in the open doorway. She stood in the shadows, but the sun streamed in behind her, silhouetting her curvy body and turning her blonde hair into a golden halo. She walked forward a couple paces until the light of the overhead lamp illuminated her.

Holy Gosh, but she was beautiful with her large, brown eyes and her pert, little nose. She wore cutoff jeans and a white, flimsy halter top. Her shorts were so short, not even a centimeter of thigh was covered. Her halter top was so flimsy, Dirk knew the exact location and size of her nipples.

"I can't let you leave the SWSO," she said, her scarlet painted lips carefully forming each word. "Come back to me."

He wanted to kiss those perfect lips and nip at them with his teeth. He wanted to run his filthy hands over her pristine skin, squeezing her soft flesh and sinking his pinky into her bellybutton. But he stood his ground. He wouldn't fall into Tina's trap.

"No," he said. "Not on these terms. Not with Rule 96."

"Does this help?" She reached behind her neck and pulled the knot of her halter top loose. The garment fell away from her, leaving her large, gorgeous breasts exposed to the world.

"Yes," Dirk said. "That helps a lot. In any situation. Seriously, I can't think of a single circumstance where this" - He gestured to her breasts. - "doesn't make it better. But I'm not going to change my mind."

"I'm not above begging." She moved closer to him, her hips swaying with each step. "I'll get down on my knees if I have to." And to prove her point, she dropped to her knees right in front of him.

Dirk shook his head. "I'm sorry Tina, but that's not going to work. You're too short. You need something to kneel on." He reached over with his leg and pulled the mechanic creeper out from under the car. "Try this."

"Thank you." Still on her knees, she stepped onto the wheeled gurney. She placed her hands flat on Dirk's thighs and slowly slid them up his legs until she reached the button on his jeans.

"The Secret World Security Organization needs you," she said as she pulled down the zipper on his fly. "You're an asset to the secret agent community." She pushed his pants down and lovingly stroked his throbbing cock. "The world is in danger without you." Then she opened her mouth and took him in, inch by inch, sliding him across her velvet tongue and down her throat.

Dirk closed his eyes and for a moment let himself experience nothing more than the warm, wet pleasure of Tina's mouth.

"There's no agent better than you," she said. "You're the fastest, the strongest, the smartest. You tell the funniest jokes."

"How can you talk with my cock in your mouth?" Dirk opened his eyes to see Tina still enjoying him, happily sucking on his manhood.

"The world will suffer if you aren't there to protect it." Tina said while she simultaneously deepthroated him.

He ran his fingers through her silky hair. "This isn't about the safety of the world or the SWSO," he said. "Tell me the real reason."

She pulled away from him then and sat back on her heels. A string of spittle stretched from her mouth to the head of his cock.

"No one fucks me like you do," she confessed. An ocean breeze gently lifted her hair and brushed it against her shoulders. "There's nothing in the world that feels as good as your big, hot, throbbing cock pounding inside me. Come back to the SWSO and fuck me all day and all night."

He took Tina by the shoulders and helped her to her feet. "That's not a reason to go back to the SWSO. We can fuck here." Then he shoved her down onto the bed.

Her naked body was luminous against the red, satin sheets. She lifted her legs and spread them wide, inviting Dirk to ravish her. He accepted the invitation by stretching himself over her and planting his cock in her garden of good and evil.

"Yes!" she screamed. Her back arched as she wrapped her legs around his middle. "Yes, Dirk, yes!"

The waves crashed around the bed, spraying them with seafoam. Overhead, a gull cawed.

Dirk thrust into her, losing himself in the warm sensation of her cunt. "No more lies," he growled. "Tell me the real, real reason."

"I've told you the real, real reason," she said before sinking her teeth into her lower lip.

"No, you haven't." He captured both her wrists in one hand and pinned her arms above her head. "I will fuck the truth out of you if I have to."

Her eyes shut and she stretched her neck, writhing her body underneath him. "Do it," she begged. "Do it."

And he did.

He thrust deeper and harder, hitting her G spot again and again until her cunt muscles tightened around him.

"Tell me the truth!" he demanded.

"I love you!" she cried. "I love you in that romantic, soulmate kind of way, with flowers and unicorns. You're my everything, Dirk Allen. Come back to me and complete me. I'll take care of you and you'll never have to do your own laundry again!"

"I knew it." He lowered his head until their lips met in a deep, soulful kiss. "When you said it to me the other day, that was real. Sure I was hallucinating, but not that part."

Tina, so deep in the throes of passion, was no longer able to form words. Instead, she let loose a shrill, rolling whimper.

"You love me" Dirk continued, "and now we can be together, happy for the rest of our lives."

"Dude, you're dreaming," a cow said as it roller skated past. "Wake up and answer the phone."

And just like that Tina, the ocean and the silk sheets melted away. Dirk was in his own bed with only a ringing phone, regular cotton sheets, and a raging hard-on to keep him company.

"Hello?" he mumbled into the phone. He didn't really want to answer it, but it was the fastest way to stop the ringing.

"Get to the office." He recognized Fact-Tel's voice, the supercomputer that worked as technical support on all of Tina and Dirk's missions. "Get in here now."

"I quit," Dirk said. He still wasn't sure where he was or who he wasn't fucking. "I don't work for the SWSO anymore."

"And I don't care," Fact-Tel responded. "Go jump in the shower, rub out that boner and get to the office."

Dirk looked down at his erect member. "How did you know I have a boner?"

"When you joined the SWSO, you were injected with bio monitoring nano devices," the artificial intelligence explained. "Did you take that stuff out when you turned in your gun and communicator this morning? No, you didn't. This is why you really need to go through the exit process when leaving a super-secret agency."

"Is that why I have to come into the office?" Dirk swung his feet over the side of the bed. "To have the nano things removed?"

"No, numbskull." For a being incapable of feeling emotions, Fact-Tel sounded really angry. "Your mother escaped from prison and Tina is missing."

Before he was even aware of it, Dirk was on his feet.

His mother, Delia Villa-Allen, was an evil genius. It was her unethical experiments that had most likely given Dirk his mysterious, yet typical, super powers. She'd been on the verge of enslaving the city of Middleburg when he and Tina had stopped her and put her behind bars. If she was free then no one was safe, especially not Tina.

"I'll be right there," he said, and then he switched on his super speed.

Tina struggled against her restraints, doing her best to loosen the ropes binding her wrists and ankles, while at the same time easing the strain on her shoulders. She hung by her arms from what she surmised was an industrial, metal hook. When she swung her legs, she could hear a chain rattling above her. By wiggling her nose, mouth and cheek muscles, she'd managed to dislodge her blindfold a fraction of a centimeter. It wasn't much, but it was progress.

General Zero hadn't said anything to her since she'd regained consciousness, but she could hear them moving around, working on some mechanical device. Every sound they made, every footstep and metallic clink, echoed slightly. It told Tina she was in a room with hard walls and a high ceiling. Wherever she was, it had the damp chill of a room with no central heating and there was a faint sound of pigeons cooing.

With her limited vision, she could see only the corner of a nearby table, but that was enough for now. There was the large chunk of mica Zero had stolen from the Middleburg Museum of Industrial Grade Gems and Minerals, and next to it was Tina's ear communicator. The indicator light was flashing red. That meant the communicator couldn't establish a link with Fact-Tel. Based on the wires connecting it to a small metal box covered in knobs and buttons, Tina surmised Zero was jamming the signals from both the communicator and the nano bio-bots implanted in her body.

That was a setback, but only a minor one. Given enough time, Fact-Tel could hack its way around any jamming device. Once it located Tina, it would send drones to take out Zero. She was confident of that. All she had to do was keep Zero here long enough for Fact-Tel to hack the signal.

"So." She cleared her throat and projected her voice. "You kidnap me and then you ignore me?"

Zero stopped tinkering on whatever it was they were working on. "I'm not ignoring you on purpose. There's just a lot to do to finish this thing up."

"Can you answer one question for me?" Tina asked.

"Yes," Zero said. "I'll answer one question."

"Not including that one," she clarified.

"Yeah, I figured that."

"I only bring it up," she said, "because some villains try to be clever with the one question thing."

"Those villains confuse clever with cliché," they said, a smug tone to their voice. "Rest assured, I don't have that fatal flaw. Ask your question; I'll answer it."

Tina took a breath. This was important. She'd been investigating Zero for months now but had learned hardly anything about her foe. Of all the unanswered questions, there was one that confounded her the most. It was the piece of information she needed before she could even think about devising a plan to defeat them.

"What are your preferred pronouns?"

Zero was quiet for a moment, no words, no tinkering.

"I did not expect that," they finally said. "Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the question, I really do, but I was not expecting it."

"So, your pronouns?" Tina prompted. She kept her eye on the communicator. When the blinking red light switched to green, it would mean Fact-Tel was close to hacking the signal. When the light turned a steady green, Fact-Tel would have her exact location.

"I use ze and zir," ze said, "but I'm also fine with they and their, if that's easier for you."

"I am so glad we didn't assume anything." She smiled. "That would have been bad. I would have felt awful misgendering you."

"Not everyone is as considerate about these sorts of things." Ze returned to working on whatever device it was ze was building.

"I'm officially one of the good guys," she said. "I have I.D. to prove it. And good guys do not commit pronoun oppression."

Zero stopped working again. Tina could hear zir put down some sort of metal hand tool, maybe a wrench or a pair of pliers.

"I would like to make one thing clear before we continue," ze said. "I didn't turn to crime because I'm enby."

"I'm sorry," she interrupted. "Enby?"

"Non binary," ze explained. "N and B. Enby."

"Oh sure," she said. "Enby. Thank you. Please continue with your exposition."

"My gender identity has nothing to do with my life of crime," ze said. "They are completely unrelated."

"I get that," Tina said, her eye still firmly planted on the communicator. No change yet. "It's not like I joined the SWSO because I identify as a woman. I'm a hero because I like feeling morally superior to others."

"I can see the appeal in that," Zero agreed. "For myself, I'm a product of our capitalistic society, a society that values money and power over everything else. It doesn't matter if I destroy the city of Middleburg and kill over a hundred thousand people. As long as I rule Earth by the end, it's all justifiable."

Tina gasped. "You're going to destroy Middleburg?"

"Yes. I'm building a death ray," ze said. "Why did you think I stole the world's largest chunk of mica? To insulate electronics?"

"That's what we were hoping. Of course, you'd probably build evil electronics, so it doesn't matter that much." She sighed. "What do you even want out of this? Why murder a hundred thousand people?"

"When I destroy Middleburg, the rest of the world will be horrified it could happen to them," ze explained. "They'll give me whatever I want, whenever I want. I'll be the ultimate success story."

She carefully tugged on the ropes tying her wrists to the hook. "But Middleburg?"

"It's the perfect target." Zero banged some more on the death ray. "It's a forgettable mid-size city. No one really cares about it. There are no memorable landmarks. No one important lives here. When I destroy it, the rest of the world will be horrified at the loss of life, but there won't be a rallying cry to avenge it. No. Everyone will just accept it's gone and quake in fear that they're next."

"You fiend," she growled. "You forgot one thing. The SWSO assigned me to protect this city. I'm not going to let you destroy it."

"I know," ze said. Zir voice maintained a casual tone. There was no hint of anger or aggression. "That's why I tried to kill you and your lover. I knew you'd get in the way. I'm not sure how you survived the poison, but this works out better anyway. I need a test subject to shoot the death ray at. Just to make sure it works."

"Dirk and I are not lovers," Tina corrected zir. It was important to her that Zero know the truth. "We work together, that's all."

"You two have sex, a lot."

"Just for work," she said. "We aren't in love or anything." SWSO rule 96 forbade any romantic entanglements and Tina always obeyed the rules. It was why Dirk had quit. He needed more than a close professional partnership.

Her heart hurt when she thought about Dirk, but only in a platonic way. He had been so angry with her when he'd left. Would he ever be able to forgive her? She hoped his anger had driven him to not just quit, but to leave town. That way, at least he would be safe.

Fact-Tel was the only back-up Tina could count on now. And she knew it would be enough when she watched the indicator light on her communicator blink green. It was only a matter of minutes now before the A.I. located her and sent bomber drones to take out Zero. Sure, she'd most likely die in the explosions, but the loss of one life was acceptable if it meant saving a hundred thousand.

"Oh good." Zero's voice moved closer to her. "Your supercomputer has almost found you." A hand reached down into her line of vision and hovered over the metal box connected to the communicator. "It thought it was hacking my signal, when it was really letting me hack it."

The hand turned a knob on the box and then pressed a button. A horrible static screech burst from the communicator.

"Fact-Tel!" Tina cried. "No!"

She watched as the blinking green indicator light turned a solid red before slowly fading to black.

"What do you think my mom's up to?" Dirk asked as he ran down a back alley near the site of Middleburg's infamous Paint Spill of '59. The faded lime green sidewalk was a blur beneath his feet. "Who busted her out of jail? Is she working with General Zero? Have they ever even met?"

"I don't care," Fact-Tel chirped in his ear. "I don't care about Zero or your mother or that fungus growing in your shower. All I care about is finding Tina."

"I care about Tina too." Dirk dropped out of super speed and slowed to a normal human walk. "I care about her a lot."

He cared about her more than she cared about him, which was part of the problem. He couldn't work with her everyday knowing she would never allow her feelings for him to grow. His feelings for her had taken root in his heart and blossomed into a beautiful flower tree hybrid thing with tentacles and pointy teeth. His feelings were scary, but he wasn't about to deny them.

"I don't care about that either," the A.I. said. "I'm so close to hacking this jamming signal. If you would just shut up for a metric minute, I'll have Tina's exact location."

Dirk kept his mouth closed and planned. Once Fact-Tel found Tina's location, it was up to him to save her. He'd go in guns blazing- except he didn't have a gun on him. That was his bad. He should have remembered to pick one up at the Gun Kiosk near his apartment. It didn't matter. He may have been unarmed, but he still had his super speed, super strength and super stamina. He could literally run circles around the bad guys until they were so dizzy they threw up.

And that's exactly what he would do. He'd run around the room and rearrange the furniture. He'd dizzify and disorient. There was no way his plan could fail.

"Got it!" Fact-Tel said, a triumphant note in its mechanical voice. "Tina is in city- Ah!"

The communicator in Dirk's ear violently buzzed with static. "Fact-Tel?" He tapped at the small device. "Fact-Tel, what happened? Where's Tina?"

"It, was a, trap." The computer coughed. "Virus invading, system. Enacting, emergency shutdown, before I die permanent computer, death. No, coming back, from that."

"Wait!" Dirk said. "First tell me Tina's location."

"Did you, not hear, me?" Fact-Tel's voice was getting weaker. "I will, die, if I don't, shut down, immediately."

"You can't spare a second to save Tina's life?"

"City Hall," the A.I. said and coughed again. "Happy?"

Dirk turned his gaze to City Hall. The hulking mammoth of a building was visible from anywhere in Middleburg. Even in the far off neighborhoods of Fishtown and Swampview, it was still possible to see the statue on top of the clocktower. The image of Matthias Middle holding his lantern high was a familiar and stirring sight for all Middleburgers.

"Can you be more specific?" Dirk asked. "City Hall is big and it has lots of secret rooms."

"I'M DYING!"

"JUST TELL ME!!"

"At the top," Fact-Tel said. "The statue. She's in, there."

"Thank you," Dirk said before shooting into super speed. "I'll take it from here. You can shut down now."

"Too late," the computer said. "Bleh, " Its voice trailed off, leaving only dead air behind.

"Fact-Tel?" He tapped his ear communicator again. "Fact-Tel?"

Dirk was all alone now. It was up to him, and only him, to save Tina.

He picked up his pace, speeding through the large oak doors that kept the general population out of City Hall, racing past the security checkpoint (which also kept the general population out) and through the ornate foyer until he reached the grand staircase. It was at the grand staircase where any general population who had made it beyond the doors and checkpoint usually stopped. The steep, marble stairs spiraled up and up, all the way to the very top floor of the clocktower. It was exhausting just looking at them, and the general population of Middleburg was not in great shape.

Dirk mounted the stairs without hesitation. Not only was he in great shape, but he had super stamina. He took the steps two at a time and climbed the heights of the municipal building knowing he wouldn't get tired. Unfortunately, he did get confused.

The grand staircase stopped at the very top floor of the City Hall. Dirk needed to go beyond that, to the statue above. The entire floor was made up of one room, a storage room. It wasn't terribly big, but it was crowded. Somewhere among the voting booths, police barricades and that statue that looked eerily like his mother, there had to be a door leading to the roof.

Eventually he found it, not a door, but a ladder. It was bolted to the wall and led to a trapdoor in the ceiling.

"Yes!" He pumped his fist. "Hold on Tina. I'm coming." He stood still for a moment and quietly laughed. "Coming."

That's how these sorts of things always ended, with Dirk cumming. Whenever he and Tina found themselves in danger they always managed to fuck their way to safety. It was probably his favorite part of being a secret agent. He'd grown so used to it that life threatening situations gave him a literal hard-on. Tina's life was in danger now and he was ready to do his part and fuck her. But he couldn't fuck her until he found her.

He climbed that ladder faster than he could sneeze.

"Time's up, Mom!" Dirk shouted as he burst through the floor. "Get it. Time's up, because you're in a clocktower." He thought about that for a second. "Except, really, you're in a statue. I should've said 'Don't move, Mom!' That would've been better for a statue."

He wasn't sure what he had expected the inside of a statue to look like, but this wasn't it. This was so dull and cold. Where was the furniture he was going to rearrange? There was a table and a big ray gun, nothing else. Moving them back and forth wouldn't confuse anyone.

He peered up to see the inside of Matthias Middle's head and the lantern the city founder held up to guide the city. There were pigeons roosting in the lantern, the lantern that was a symbol of hope to Middleburg. That, more than anything, was a disappointment.

"Dirk?" Tina called. "What are you doing here?"

Tina, on the other hand, was not a disappointment. She looked great, dangling from a giant hook in the middle of the room. She was working the sleek, disheveled style with her blouse untucked and her hair all messed up. Furthermore, the way her arms were stretched above her head accentuated her breasts. The blindfold was kind of kinky too.

He'd have no problem fucking her like this. It'd be fun working the swing action of the hook. And since she couldn't see him, he'd do different voices, pretending to be a whole slew of guys taking turns. She'd know it was only him, but the roleplay would turn her on. The right circumstances brought out Tina's nasty streak. It was one of the things Dirk liked best about her.

"Dirk?" she said again.

"Yes. Sorry." He blinked a couple times. "Just planning ahead."

"Finally we meet, Mr. Allen," a nondescript voice said.

Dirk turned his head to see an average looking person standing near the ray gun. They wore a brown hoodie and faded jeans.

"You're not my mother."

"No," the person agreed.

"General Zero?"

"Yes."

"I thought you'd be wearing a military uniform and a pair of mirrored sunglasses," Dirk said. "Maybe carrying a riding crop."

Zero raised an eyebrow. "That's not a bad ensemble. I could pull that off."

"You could," Dirk agreed. "I worked as a professional model. I have an intuition for this sort of stuff. Add black lipstick and leather gloves; you'd be unstoppable."

"As soon as I'm done destroying Middleburg, I'll get right on it."

"Oh, that reminds me." He looked back at Tina. "Did you ask about pronouns?"

"Of course she did," General Zero said. "She's not a monster."

"Zero, a suggestion," Tina said as she dangled from the hook. "Dirk is not going to get ze and zir. He'll try. He'll put honest effort into it, but he will fail and it'll be painful for all of us."

"Agreed." Zero turned back to Dirk and flashed him a friendly smile. "They and their, are fine."

"But not them?" Dirk asked. "What do I use instead of them?"

"Them too," they said. "They, their, and them."

"Ok." He assumed a menacing position and shouted. "Put up them hands, Zero, and freeze. Time is up, or don't move." He angrily shook his head. "Darn it! I can't remember the clever thing I was supposed to say."

"Dirk, darling," a woman's voice said. "You're embarrassing yourself."

"Mom!" He spun around to see an older, elegant woman emerging from the trapdoor in the floor. "Were you downstairs the whole time? Were you hiding behind that lifelike statue of you?"

In many ways it had been a relief to see General Zero instead of his mother. At some point he was going to have to have sex with Tina and he wasn't looking forward to his mother's critical eye. When Zero was the only villain, it seemed like he was in the clear. But now his mother was here. He might very well have performance issues.

Delia Villa-Allen stood and brushed the dust from her knees. She still wore her prison orange, yet somehow she managed to make it look classy. Reaching out her hand to Dirk, she said, "There's a lot we need to talk about, but first, take these pills for Mommy." In her open palm were four large gelatin capsules, two red and two yellow.

"Dirk, no!" Tina yelled, but it was too late.

He was so used to swallowing whatever his mother gave him, he snatched the pills from her hand and downed them before he had time to think about it.

"That's my boy." She patted him on the cheek. "No matter what happens next, please remember that I love you and I forgive you for sending me to prison."

"I can't see what's going on," Tina said, "but it sounds bad."

"I don't forgive you." Dirk swallowed again. The last pill was stuck in his throat. He should have asked for a glass of water. "I don't forgive you for building a sex bomb or trying to take over the city or experimenting on me. And I certainly don't forgive you for giving me these freakish super powers."

"Dirk, honey-" she started to say, but he interrupted her.

"Actually, the powers have been handy this past year." He pulled at the collar of his T-shirt. The soft, cotton fibers were irritating his skin. "I need them if I'm going to defeat General Zero. But I still don't forgive you."

"For the last time, my experiments did not give you your powers." Delia rolled her eyes. "All I did was learn how to take them away from you."

"What does that mean?" The room was getting hotter. It was almost as if he was burning up from the inside out. "I feel weird." He turned to Tina. "Do you feel weird?"

She struggled against her bonds, swinging her legs and pulling at the ropes around her wrists. "Dirk," she shouted, "get out of here!"

Was it time to have sex now? Was that why Tina was trying so hard to get off the hook?

"Honey, sweetie." His mother put a hand on his shoulder. "Sit down before you fall down."

He turned his head back toward her and the floor seemed to turn with him. "I don't have to do what you tell-"

Then he fell down.

There was no time to panic. The thud Tina had heard sounded exactly like the body of a tall, muscular man with amazing bone structure hitting the ground. She didn't know if Dirk was alive or not, but she refused to surrender to her emotions.

With a burst of energy she didn't know she had, she pulled her hands free of the ropes and dropped one meter to the floor. Before Zero or Villa-Allen could react, she somersaulted under the table, yanked the blindfold from her head and untied the ropes around her ankles.

"Oh my gosh," Dirk muttered, still crumpled on the ground. "I feel weak, and slow, and tired. I feel really tired."

"Good job, Delia," Zero said. "I wasn't sure you could do it, but you did."

"You'll keep your part of the deal?" Villa-Allen asked. "You won't harm my son?"

"Sure." Zero shrugged. "A deal is a deal."

Having ascertained the situation, Tina knew what she had to do. With the agility of a practiced gymnast, she rolled out from under the table and grabbed the large chunk of silver mica off of it.

"You won't win, Zero!" She stood and held the flakey mineral in both hands over her head. "You can't finish your mica death ray without the mica!" She dug her fingers into the mica, causing little flecks to break off and flutter to the floor like a sparkly shower.

"Stop or I'll kill him!" Zero shouted before pulling a tube from zir pocket and placing it to zir lips. Tina estimated the tube to be a centimeter wide and 17.78 centimeters long, the perfect dimensions for a blow dart gun.

"Seriously?" Delia muttered. "It took you less than 30 seconds to break our deal."

Dirk wearily looked up, squinting his eyes to focus them on the blow dart gun. "Destroy the mica. Let them shoot me," he said. "They use a slow acting poison and we know how to counteract it." He turned his head to address his mother. "Do you mind leaving? Tina and I are going to get naked and have crazy, hallucinogenic sex. I know you're just my adopted mother, but I still don't want you here for that."

"It's a different poison," Zero announced. "After you survived the last one, I switched to a faster acting toxin. See." Ze inhaled sharply and blew into the tube, aiming it a little higher than before.

The dart hit Delia Villa-Allen right where her shoulder met her neck. "Son of a bitch!" she said and then she dropped down dead, her glassy eyes open and staring at nothing.

"Mom?" Dirk crawled over to Delia and gently nudged her arm with his hand. "You killed her." His voice caught in his throat. "You killed my mother before I could resolve all my oedipal issues. How could you do that?"

General Zero looked Tina straight in the eyes. "Give me the mica or I kill your boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend." She sounded brave, but she had never been so scared in her life.

"He is or he isn't," ze said. "Doesn't change the choice you have to make. It's either him or the city of Middleburg."

"Tina." Dirk slowly climbed to his feet. "It's okay. This is why there's a Rule 96. Do what you have to do. I understand."

If only the blow dart gun had been aimed at her. She would have happily laid down her life to save the city. That was an easy sacrifice to make. But at some point Dirk had become more important than everyone else in the world combined. She couldn't lose him.

"Take it," she said. "Take the damn mica."

"What?" Dirk stared at her, his eyes wide and his mouth open.

"Ha ha, yes!" Zero danced over to her and snatched the mica from her hands. "I knew it. I win!"

Tina met Dirk's disbelieving eyes. What would he think of her now, knowing that he was her greatest weakness? "I'm sorry." She was overcome with shame.

"I, " He looked away from her and then back again. "I love you too."

He moved with the confidence of a man who hadn't just had his super powers stripped away. It only took three determined strides for him to cross the secret room. He pulled Tina into his arms and he kissed her.

She surrendered to him, melting into his embrace and opening her mouth to accept his questing tongue. Maybe they had failed as secret agents, but they could finally admit their true feelings.

Tina loved Dirk. She loved him with all her heart. So what if he no longer had mysterious super powers. It didn't matter if his IQ was below average. She hardly cared that he was exceptionally good looking and incredibly talented in bed. She loved him despite of all that. She loved the goodness in his soul.

"Mica is installed," Zero muttered as ze tinkered on the death ray. "Just have to make a few adjustments, "

Dirk broke the kiss and gazed down at her. His summer green eyes were filled with hope. That was another thing she loved about him.

"Zero hasn't won yet," he whispered. "We can still beat them, but we have to find some other way, because I'm in no condition to- Oh wait." He took a step back and glanced down at his crotch. "Look at that. Corporal Cock is reporting for duty. I didn't think I'd be able to do it with my mother's dead body in the room, but apparently that's not an issue. We can have sex."

"How is sex going to save us?"

"I don't know." He smiled at her and unbuttoned his fly. "But it always does."

"The death ray is done," Zero proudly announced. Ze balanced the massive gun on zir hip and aimed it at Tina and Dirk. "There's still the matter of testing it before I destroy Middleburg." Ze moved zir hip slightly and the gun pointed more firmly at Dirk. "I made a deal with your mother and your girlfriend did sacrifice the city so you could live. It would be a cock move to kill you now." Zir hip moved again and the nozzle of the gun swung toward Tina. "That means it has to be you. Sorry."

The universe seemed to slow down as Tina watched Zero pull the death ray trigger. A silver, sparkly beam shot out and engulfed her body. The mica power invaded her cells, overloading her neurons and causing so much pain she couldn't move or think or even breathe. She barely noticed when her heart stopped beating, much less the impact of the beam picking her up off her feet and slamming her body right through the wall.

Dirk stared at the Tina size hole in the wall and the night sky beyond it.

Only moments before, he had held her in his arms and confessed his true feelings. At this point they should have been naked and on the floor, making the sweet, sweet love that would defeat General Zero and save the city of Middleburg. But Tina was gone, dead, nothing more than a charred splat on the sidewalk below.

"No," he gasped. "No."

"Yes!" Zero pumped their fist. "It works. Now all I need to do is put the gun on the hook, hoist it up to the lantern and then destroy the city. I'm really proud of the symbolic irony of using the Matthias Middle statue. Do you need me to explain it to you?"

A cold breeze blew in from the gaping hole in the wall and ruffled Dirk's hair. He didn't care what Zero said or what they were planning to do. The world ended the moment the mica death ray hit Tina.

"No," he said again, as if denying it would keep it from being true.

"Really?" Zero asked. "That's good, I guess." They shifted the death ray from one hip to the other. "It's just, I'm not trying to insult you here, but you're not the sharpest knife in the multipurpose decapitation machine. If you understand the irony of the city founder being the instrument of its destruction, well, that means it's too obvious."

Dirk looked away from the hole, from where Tina should have been, and focused his eyes on the person who had taken her from him.

"I don't want to be ham-fisted," Zero continued. "I want to be a more subtle supervillain. I want to be the sort of world tyrant smart people appreciate. Dumb people, Let's face it, dumb people are dumb. You destroy a city and they're going to hate you. Smart people, they'll hate you too, but if you've put enough thought into it, if you've really crafted the destruction, they'll see that. They'll admire it."

Zero had taken everything from Dirk, his computer buddy, his powers, his mom and finally, the love of his life. He had nothing left. But that meant he had nothing left to lose. It was time for him to be the hero Tina believed he could be. It was time for him to say something cleverly righteous and save the city.

"Fuck you!" he shouted before launching himself at the smaller person.

He might not have his super strength, speed and stamina, but he had size on his side. General Zero was average in height and weight. Dirk was above average in every category, or at least the categories that mattered. He knew he could take them in a hand to hand fight.

He was wrong.

Zero had a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, a martial art specifically designed to take down and subdue a larger opponent. They knew exactly how to use Dirk's weight and height against him. Dropping down below his grasp, they swung their leg and swept his feet right out from under him.

He landed hard on his hip, a jolt of pain shooting down his leg. If only he still had his super speed, he'd already have Zero disarmed, tied up and dangling from their own hook. As it was he felt so slow, and they seemed so fast as they spun the death ray around and aimed it at him.

"This is how you repay my kindness?" they asked. "I let you live and this is how you say thank you?"

Dirk lashed out with his foot, knocking the death ray from their hands. It skidded across the floor, the edge of the mica flaking as it went. Both he and Zero scrambled after it.

As much as he wanted to pummel their face for killing Tina, he had to save Middleburg first. It was what she would have wanted him to do. If Zero killed him, that was fine, but Dirk had to destroy the mica death ray.

He may have been slow, tired and broken hearted, but he still had his long arms. Just as Zero reached for the gun, Dirk grabbed the chunk of mica and pulled it free.

"Stop!" they shouted, but he didn't listen.

He dropped the soft mineral to floor and slammed his fist into it. Little bits of silicate flew off, catching the light as they shot through the air. He hit it again, grinding his fist into it. More crumbled away. The skin on his knuckles cracked and bled. Everything he was feeling, all his rage and grief, he took out on that diminishing chunk of mica until it was nothing more than a pile of organic glitter.

"You fool," Zero growled.

Dirk looked up to see the villain standing over him, the blow dart gun gripped in their hand.

"You think this will stop me?" they continued. "Mica is a very common mineral. I can order it online. You've slowed me down by a week at most. I'm still going to destroy Middleburg and take over the world." They positioned the blow gun in front of their mouth. "You, unfortunately, won't live long enough to see it."

Dirk fixed his eyes on Zero and waited for the sting of the poison dart. After that he would feel nothing. And maybe, just maybe, he'd see Tina again.

But the sting never came. Instead a sparkly beam of silver light blasted the blow gun from their hands.

"He'll live long enough to see you in jail," a familiar and sexy voice said.

"Tina!" Dirk turned to see her on the other side of the hole in the wall, floating in the night sky. She was a vision of beauty, glowing a sparkling silver in the moonlight.

"I am so glad," Zero said, "so glad I tested the mica death ray first. These are the kinds of side affects you need to know about."

"General Zero," she said, her hair streaming out behind her, her eyes shimmering like mica, "with the authority vested in me by the Secret World Security Organization, I place you under arrest. You have no rights, because we're a covert consortium working outside all governments, and this is how we roll."

It was over. It was all finally over. Tina and Dirk had foiled Zero's plan. Middleburg was safe at last.

Dirk's heart swelled with pride and love and exhaustion. Mostly it swelled with exhaustion. Man, was he tired.

Tina felt invigorated as she waved goodbye to the SWSO agents.

"Take care," she called, "and keep those shackles on at all times."

The agents were escorting General Zero up to the secret Moon base prison, where ze would spend the rest of zir life, because no one ever escaped from the Moon. Not ever.

"I want to go to the moon," Dirk said.

"Someday you will." A stiff, wintry wind blew in through the Middleburg Regional Headquarters door, so Tina closed it and turned to face her partner. "We need to talk."

He looked down at the floor and sighed. "Yeah, I guess we do."

She moved to her desk and started tidying it up, stacking papers, gathering up pens, putting everything away in drawers. It was easier to say what needed to be said if she kept her hands busy. "A lot happened yesterday. It was a life or death situation and emotions were heightened. Because of that, feelings were expressed, feelings that can't be denied, that shouldn't be denied."

"But we're going to deny them?" he asked. His voice sounded full of defeat.

"Not unless you want to."

He looked up and met her eyes. "I don't want to."

She undid the top button on her blouse. "The truth is, Dirk," she said, "I love you and I want to fuck you." God damn, she was horny. Ever since they'd declared their love, she'd been desperate to ride him, to feel his hot throbbing cock inside her.

"I want to fuck you too," he said. The defeatism was gone from his voice. Now it was filled with a gentle, sincere truth.

She unzipped her skirt and let it fall to the floor. "Then get naked and get over here."

"Yes ma'am!" He pulled his shirt off over his head, revealing so many of his aesthetically pleasing muscles. Then he unzipped his fly. "Oh, wait. I should take off my sneakers first."

Tina had already rid herself of her outer garments and was now clad only in her bra, panties and high heel shoes. "Take your time," she said as she reached behind her back and unhooked her bra.

Dirk, standing on one foot while he tried to get his shoe off the other, paused for a moment to watch her bra fall away from her body. His mouth dropped open and a sad longing filled his eyes.

"If I still had my powers," he said, "I'd already be naked and sucking on your nips. I resented my powers when I had them, but now that they're gone, I really miss them."

"It's ok not to have super powers." She wiggled her hips and pushed her panties down to her ankles. "Sure, I had mica death ray powers for five minutes, but they're gone now. I'm fine with being a regular person."

His eyes dragged over her. "You are so fine."

"You're a regular person now too." She lay down on the desk, displaying herself for him to enjoy. "You're a regular, normal guy with beautiful eyes, a brilliant smile and an amazing body. Dirk, get those clothes off and Fuck Me."

"Yes! Yes!"

He wasn't exactly naked by the time he joined her on the desk. He still had both socks and one shoe on. And the leg of his jeans had caught on that shoe, so that his pants trailed behind him like an airplane towing a banner.

Tina threaded her fingers through his hair as he buried his face between her breasts.

"There's still the issue of Rule 96," she said and then gasped when his teeth grazed her nipple.

"I hae hah oo," Dirk said, his mouth full of boob.

"It's a stupid rule," she agreed. "I don't mind breaking it, but we'll have to keep our relationship a secret."

He released her breast from his mouth and looked up to meet her eyes. "Secret relationships are hot."

"Yes." She spread her legs, encouraging Dirk to waste no more time and just take her.

He didn't disappoint, skewering her love pocket on his mighty man meat.

"Yes!" she said again. "We'll have to figure out a way to get around Fact-Tel."

"Fact-Tel is dead," he grunted, pumping his rod of life in and out of her.

"Not quite," she whimpered. "It's very nearly dead, but there are backup files."

"That's a relief." He hooked his arm around her knee, lifting her leg higher and diving deeper into her. "I don't suppose there are backup files for my mother."

"Harder baby, harder," she begged. "No, you're mother was human. Humans don't have backup files." She stopped to arch her back and moan. "That's it. Right there. Yes! It'll take about a week to get Fact-Tel up and running again. In that time, I want to fuck you every hour on the hour."

"Ok, but" - Dirk's rhythm faltered - "I don't have super stamina anymore, so you're going to have to do a lot of the work."

"Oh, I'll work you." She gave his shoulder a shove and like a good, obedient boy, he willingly rolled onto his back. "I'll work you like you've never been worked before."

Their eyes stayed locked on each other as she straddled his hips. Once more she took him into her, losing herself in the pleasure of his sex totem.

"I love you, Tina." He rubbed his hands up and down her thighs. "The more I fuck you, the more I love you."

"I love you too." She rode his length up and down, up and down, her breasts bouncing along. "I love how you make me feel." She closed her eyes so she could concentrate more on the pleasure of his rock hard cock inside her.

"Tina," he gasped.

Her whole body succumbed to the rapture of their love making. She could feel tingles of ecstasy racing up her arms and detonating in the soles of her feet.

"Tina," Dirk said, "something is happening."

"I'm coming," she cried, "Oh God, I'm coming."

"Yeah, I've seen you come before," he said, "and it usually doesn't involve you turning silver and glowing."

The tingles moved faster, combining and growing, until Tina could contain them no more. Her eyes shot open and her orgasm erupted from her in the form of pure mica power. The beam of shimmering, silver light slammed into the far wall, scorching the paint and melting the cinder blocks.

It was a surprise for both of them.

Dirk shot his load and then twisted his neck so he could see the burning hole in the wall behind him.

"Well," he said. "That's something we're going to have to deal with."

They didn't have to deal with it at that moment. It could wait along with reviving Fact-Tel, hiding their secret relationship from the SWSO, and battling any future villains who might have plans to destroy Middleburg. The only thing Dirk and Tina absolutely had to do at that moment was hold each other and bask in the glow of their newly consummated love.

But they were going to have to deal with the wall soon. The mica death ray had probably done some structural damage and it wasn't good to let that sort of thing sit.

The End

Author's Note: This is the last story for Dirk and Tina, at least for the time being. I have a feeling I'll come back to them, but not for a while.

~ Kitty.

 By kittybeaver for Literotica.